I am happy though I can't feel it

It has been over a month after my graduation. Nothing seems have changed to me, so I myself have to change. Friends, though a few, are really true friends, even we can contact only with internet or phone call.

Grown up with families' love, having a not that stupid brain, paid rich in a certain degree, I am really a lucky dog in many people's eyes. I believe I am happy though I can't feel it in my depth...

Is there a kind of unsatisfcation in everyone's deep heart or just because I 've not got what I want in these four or five years? Write to here, I ask myself, what do you want indeed?

I believe everyone comes to this world to pursue happiness. But the question is happiness itself can only be pursued but never really got. It's just a kind of feeling. We do things to make us feel happy.

We are hungry, so we buy much delicious food and feel happy after devouring them? No more evil in this world would exist if that is true. Happiness comes right befor the point satisfing desires and dispears right after this point too. No matter good or bad this desire is.

In chinese traditional culture, maybe in Dao religion's culture, one can be into a so called "constant" status if he can cast desire away. Actually, Dao culture suggest its believer try to reach such a status, no more desire, called Qing status. (Qing also have three levels which are Yu Qing, Shang Qing and Tai Qing.)

I, as a common people, have no greate wisdom to resolve such a big question. I doubt happiness comes from comparing with other people who have no capital to compare with you. Maybe it would still be a question before I really understand what happiness is.

In the car I come to Beijin, I talked with my father and my great friend. I said my salary meant tenly poor ones got cents after yearly hard working. Father seems be surpried by my odd view, but he nodded and with a kind of praise. There are so many children have no money to go to school, so many sick man have no money to be cured, even so many have not enough food.

How can you complain you are not happy? To those ones, does happiness have little meanings? Why they but you should suffer from pains and why you but they give such a complain after supper.

AM I HAPPY? I dare not to asked myself this question again, since the word happiness remind me of people who have no right to evaluate whether they are happy or not.